by Lori Deschene
Halloween doesn’t usually break the bank, right? I mean we’re dealing with candy and plastic fangs. You’re not likely to fall into debt over Reeses. It’s a fun holiday, and right about now people need something to bring their spirits up. (Get it—spirits? Never mind).
According to a Visa Inc. survey 75 percent of Americans plan to celebrate this Halloween, spending 10 percent more this year than they did last year—but that still totals only $47 each on candy and decorations. It’s the people who buy these things that have me scratching my head:
Economic crisis or not, short of a death in my family little would inspire me to buy a coffin—particularly one that costs between $450 and $800.
Wish you could hang real bones from your porch this Halloween? You just missed your chance. Auctioneer Tim Richards put a human skeleton on eBay in September, which fetched $500. Although the winner donated the skeleton to a forensic center, it was originally used as decoration. Wow. Just wow.
Why is this board nearly $90 more than an ordinary one, you ask? It makes it far safer to channel the dead! From the ad: “If you have fear of supernatural forces, this would be a great board for you as it has a protective pentacle.”
Even Scientologists—who believe alien spirits inhabit our bodies—lack the know-how to create an authentic alien costume. And who in the world would shell out $2400?
I am all for cute dog clothes, 365 days a year, actually. But I leave couture to the runway and royalty—or at least to living beings less likely to soil their velvet and silk baroque attire.
This is one of those cut-out things you can place your head into for photos. Not only is it gruesome and priced at $900, it does not include the backing board, stand, or pictured head. I could probably be persuaded it they threw in the head.
This is definitely the least of all evils here, but still I have to wonder, what kind of connoisseur of pumpkinry needs a special tool to form his masterpiece? Isn’t wielding a knife part of the fun?
I know—
Angelina Jolie makes daggers sound so cool, particularly for 7-year old children. But if you need an actual blade to “get that authentic finishing touch to your Halloween costume” you may end up with an actual flesh wound.
I’m not saying
collections are bad. It’s just that I like collecting things that are free or cheap—fortunes from Chinese cookies, Snapple caps, dollar bills nestled in other people’s couches. How can I possibly put out $270 for mini Jaws when I can barely afford my candy corn habit?
I take back my earlier assessment—fangs can break the bank. Although most of these bad boys are on-sale, they usually run for around $50. For that price they should come with a neck.
posted @ Tuesday, October 21, 2008 2:42 PM