by Lori Deschene
As an adult, I find it extremely unfortunate work doesn’t give me two months off to frolic beachside and my parents no longer replace perfectly usable items with an arsenal of shiny new things come September. And I’m not talking crisp Hannah Montana notebooks or bouquets of number 2 pencils. I want all the other crap they’re hawking in the name of scholarly necessity. What things, you ask? And who are they? Oh, I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you right here.
I remember needing a lot of things as a kid—days of the week underwear so I could count along ‘til Friday, Z Cavaricci pants to tight-roll. I somehow think my ‘rents would have drawn the line at a $100 mutli-gemstone stackable three ring set in sterling silver with 14K gold accents.
If memory serves me correctly, my teachers never once asked, “Everyone pull out their Nintendo DS Lite and open up Super Mario Brothers.”
Because no one wants to be the only kid without a hand-painted Limoges watering can from the Victorian era.
From the UK’s Contact Community: Back to School Golf Breaks from £79. I don’t even know what to say about this one. You’re just about to start school…so pull out the nine-iron and run?
I realize Juno and Jamie Lynn Spears brought attention to the teen pregnancy epidemic, but really? Back-to-school onesies?
There’s nothing more annoying than trying to work with your 6-year old’s wispy, baby-fine hair. Luckily allaboutmyhair.com offers an exciting 10 percent off all machine-wefted and skin-wefted hair from now until August 31st!
OK, so admittedly this is for the older kids, because the liquor store’s right next to a high school. I can already taste the backlash on this one—it tastes like Sam Adams chasing a tequila shooter—so no commentary from me.
From Frontier Airlines: “As kids get set to go back to school, parents are looking for one more excuse to fly away, and lock in some discount airfares while rates are readily available.” Little bit of a stretch to include one last rug rat-free hurrah as a back-to-school necessity, you think?
Prosoft Studio offers up to 20 percent off your first month’s purchase of a web hosting plan with the coupon code BACK2SCHOOL. Because that’s just what the kids are doing on the web these days—creating sites devoted to their education.
Piercings
No link here because the Craigslist ad is about to expire…but you’ll just have to take my word for it. As part of its back-to-school sale, New Jersey’s Body Canvas is offering 10 percent off all services and jewelry. Socks at Target: Five dollars on debit MasterCard. Texas Instrument Graphing Calculator at Circuit City: Ninety dollars on debit MasterCard. Your parents’ expression when they see two captive bead rings dangling from the barbell puncturing your septum: Priceless.
posted @ Monday, August 25, 2008 11:31 AM